Is my lust perhaps love.

I am crushing on this man who has already accomplished so much. He is a producer, and is doing very well for himself. He is one of those people who has traveled everywhere and has countless stories. I want nothing more to move into his tiny 20s inspired cabin and remain there for the rest of our lives. 

I met his friends, and enjoyed a beautiful three days wearing absolutly no make up, no product and felt wonderful. More beautiful than usual actually. Eating endless amounts of food. His friends came from NYC and Europe for their friend Johnnas 35th birthday party. They had all had ambitions and dreams once.. Now they are living it. 

Where do I fit into a life of extreme talent, I have a long way to go. I am on my last year of high school, and then most likely will have three years of college, all the while, while I continue writing music, poetry, continue checking out the fashion scene, and retaining information through the various interesting, artists, models, photographers, architects, lovers, that I encounter. I want more than anything to be apart of his world, (more than being in his up coming film about the Golden Boy, which is to commence this Sunday). 

Why is dreaming so difficult, and why does growing up have to be such a challenge. I think I am doing all the correct things, moving my bishop into the correct position, but where in the hell have I placed my pawns. A little guidance would be appreciated, a little aid, and a little love. For now I will continue to dwell in the dream, for now. 

protegerenee 

To Love or not to Love

My head has been all over the place lately. Constantly thinking about what to do next? Who do I talk to? Where do I turn? Should I find a label and sign my life away? Should I record my entire debut album without a grant, and not purchase a vehicle?

I am realizing that I need to take a day or two and just love what I am doing now. To be satisfied with the present. At the same time, I can not turn off my anxieties and my frustrations. I wish we all could have that talent.

After hearing all the comments, likes, and compliments on my first track; I am overwhelmed with love, and gratitude, for all the people who are supporting my dreams. Winnipeg is a small place. Most who live here remain here. The curse of the “Village”, What if an amazing group of people changed that for the rest of us. I want to use the talent in Winnipeg to my advantage. Id like for us to get on the map, and have people glance our way.

Again, Thank you to all the people who are viewing my journey and who believe in me. There is a long road ahead.. and I don’t even have a car.

protegerenee

Life is on the commence

( I have recorded the song, my first track! )

It is true, you must keep working. Nothing happens when you are not focused. 

I spent the entire day in bed yesterday, singing and of course on multitudes of social media. It was rather enjoying I needed the time to think and branch out. However, I have been doing this a little more lately.  Summer is difficult when you are unemployed, and trying to commence your art.

The evening roles around. Still no shower, have already eaten most of the fridge. I write a song. It practically jumps from my depths. I am singing and it is sounding beautiful! I call my producer, I send him the song. He loves it, two hours later we have twenty seconds of the beginning., 

"It is fine to dwell in one own- self pity. Only for a moment"- Tuesdays with Morrie

I needed to think I was lonely and fat, and scared. I started a blog yesterday for God’s sake. Here is to writing music, feeling better and keeping your head up even when everything is dark. Its human nature to “duck”

protegerenee xx